Lo Nuevo

Au Naturel

I’m a “vegan.” I have to put vegan in quotes because I’m not really very diligent about this matter, mostly because I think being a vegan sucks. I’m telling you right now this is not one of those essays where I rhapsodize about how my skin is clearer and how I’ve lost weight and how I sleep easy knowing no baby cows were injured in the movie that is my life. In fact, I’ve gained weight since I went back to being a vegan because I found out that most mass market cookies are vegan– not because they are healthy, but because they contain not one iota of natural ingredients, and I’ve been shoving “sandwich cookies” into my mouth like it’s going out of style.

Anyway, you know what else contains not one iota of natural ingredients? Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss in Shine City!!!! Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH!!!! I am so in love with this lip gloss. I know that recently I was touting L’Oreal Le Gloss in Naturally Nude as the perfect clear gloss, but Shine City is winning it this week because it is a very (very!) light pink (not noticeable as pink once you put it on) with flecks of glitter in it, and it gives you megawatt shine. I mean, both of these are awesome, especially for their price point, and it looks like Revlon is re-releasing their Super Lustrous series with SPF 15, which makes is double great. Also, for my less rosy lip gloss lovers, Revlon has an almost identical (though much harder to find) product called Sparkling Champagne with gold undertones, and it is similarly gorgeous.

Sigh… (more…)

Best Hair Day Ever

Amores, I’m sure I have many good qualities. I know a lot of knock-knock jokes, for example. And I laugh all of the time at the stupidest things (Adam Sandler movies or the aforementioned knock-knock jokes). And I am, despite routine crabbiness about how-come-people-don’t-care-more-about-injustice, a genuinely hopeful person. But I’m also rolling in the bad qualities. I am easily distracted. I like to tell stupid knock-knock jokes. I do not return emails in a timely manner. And above all, I’m SUPER VAIN. (I had to put that in all caps because it is real serious.)

I don’t mean I think I’m all that, all of the time. Not at all. But insecurity about looks is its own form of vanity. I do so much day-to-day upkeep that it is a small wonder I have time to do anything else. I will not leave the house without concealer, mascara, blush, earrings, and (duh) lipgloss. That’s a look I call “no makeup,” and it is reserved for the flu or Sundays. Usually I also curl my eyelashes, add bronzer, highlighter, and eyeshadow or eyeliner. I wear shaping garments daily. I must have my nails painted and if they chip I can focus on nothing else until they are fixed (see easily distracted, above). And my hair is the bane of my existence – it is (per me) frizzy, simultaneously puffy and limp, and always looking crazy. I spend all of my disposable income on my hair – fancy ombre colour and cute bangs are not cheap. Neither are the million products I put in it (shampoo, conditioner, colour restorer, leave-in conditioner, curl enhancer, and finish-spray.)

Yup. Fake Hair. Photo by Jazmin Corona

I also wear fake hair all of the time. Not for special occasions or anything. Just because it’s, you know, a Tuesday. So you know what I would never, ever, ever do? SHAVE MY HEAD!!!!!!

Which is why I am so impressed with the folks over at St. Baldricks, an organization committed to raising money to fund pediatric cancer research. They organize head-shaving events world-wide, and fund more in childhood cancer research grants than any other entity besides the U.S. government. But back it up. People are SHAVING OFF THEIR HAIR to raise money for research and to show solidarity with children who are fighting cancer?!?! Dang! That has “no makeup” beat by a mile.

I found out about St. Baldrick’s because I am a friend and supporter of Donna’s Good Things, an organization that works to “provide joyful opportunities for children facing adversity, be it economic, familial, social or health related.” Simple things – dance lessons, music classes, a party – that help make a long day-to-day struggle easier to bear. The foundation honours my pal Sheila’s daughter Donna, who I never got to meet but who seems like she was my kind of kid: silly, sweet, bright, and fond of tutus. Their motto is “choose hope.” Not just hope for the future, but today – finding and choosing the thing that will help you get through, even love, today. Hence, the “good things,” the small(ish) gestures that make today a good day. Because for some, today is all anyone can guarantee.

Donna Quirke Hornick

Donna’s Good Things is participating in a St. Baldrick’s Shave-A-Thon in a few weeks, and this week they have an anonymous donor who is matching every donation to the event. For me, this is a no-brainer. I have been known to regularly spend $15 on an “emergency” manicure or a pair of “emergency” lip glosses (in case the one doesn’t “go” with what I’m wearing). And since I don’t think they’ll be having a “Dramatically Rip Out My Weave-A-Thon” any time soon, this is as close as I’ll get to participating in the event. Maybe you’ll join me? You can find information about the event (which, BTW, is taking place at my favourite pizza place!) here.

In the meantime, let me know… what’s YOUR “Good Thing?” You’ll never guess what mine is… Ja ja ja…



Chicago is Most Segregated City in America. Or, How to Make Jokes About Unfunny Things

Photo by Ali Weiss Klinger

I’m a semi-regular contributor to Paper Machete, a live news magazine that happens (for FREE!) every Saturday at the Horseshoe Lounge here in Chicago. Basically, what it is is a bunch of mostly funny people getting together to perform short pieces about the news of the week, plus some cultural commentary and musical acts. The way it works is that performers “choose” a topic and then go for it. I have to put “choose” in “quotes” because I am always strongly encouraged to “choose” a specific topic that is always THE LEAST FUNNY THING A PERSON COULD POSSIBLY BE ASSIGNED TO WRITE ABOUT! I’m not even joking. First, it was LESBIAN TORTURE CLINICS IN ECUADOR! And last week, it was Chicago Is Most Segregated City in America. Weirdly, it was MUCH easier to make a funny piece about torture clinics, because I am a lesbian, I grew up in Ecuador, and I happen to be an expert on torture, if by “expert” one means “I got a PhD by writing about the role of torture and violence in shaping U.S. national identity,” which is exactly what I mean when I say expert. But segregation is a more difficult topic, because to talk about it honestly is to implicate the very kind of audience who stereotypically attend performance events in Lincoln Square or who listen to WBEZ, where this show is also podcasted. WHY, Chris Piatt, WHY? (Chris Piatt, btw, is the man who got me into all of this, and I’m just telling you right now… it is very hard to say No to him. He is charming, and exuberant, and clever, and also will not take no for an answer.)

I guess one, if by “one” you mean “Chris Piatt,” would ask “who better to perform essays about segregation and lesbian torture clinics for than the ones implicated in your critique?” Actually, that’s just me making up that rationale, but I’m sure he would agree.

If you’re curious about how I handled a semi-funny piece about Chicago segregation, you can check it out right here, on the WBEZ page. And lesbian torture clinics in Ecuador? Here. For the record, I don’t make jokes about violence. Or segregation. That stuff is for real for real serious. Instead, I make fun of myself, jealousy induced arson, insurance fraud, and Change.org, throw in a few line-dancers, and wrap it all up with a few lip gloss one-liners. Easy, peasy. What you got next for me, folks? War? Poverty? Health hazards of gel manicures? WHAT YOU GOT?!


Take Your “Feelings” and….

In real life, I don't smoke. For real.

Well, Amores, lately I’ve been a little bit on the down low. Oh sure, you can catch me live and in person in any one of about a zillion-trillion meetings, classes, panels, workshops, or rehearsals, but alas… the internets have been quiet for me lately. Someone even complained that I haven’t been posting on FB! Ja! Usually the main complaint I get about my FB is “do you really think about racism that early in the morning?” (Er… my partner likes to tell this story that once when we were first dating, I woke her up at 3 in the morning to talk about how Glamour magazine’s coverage of international genocide was really headed downhill…so… yeah…)

But I’ve also been self-censoring. Sure, I have lots to be overjoyed about. Over at Free Street, the youth are in the home stretch of creating a performance about how social media shapes relationships and revolutions. LOVE! And my other project, Unnatural Spaces, kicked off two weeks ago with the most dynamic, charming, right-on group of poets the world has ever seen. (We’ll live up to that promise, I promise!) And I have a collaboration with the Poetry Foundation coming up in April, where they’ve paired me with a composer to make a new piece based on my poems and his music. And I’ll also be debuting at 2nd Story in April. And I’m still popping in at Paper Machete. And Vocalo. And I’m in fundraising mode for the Mutant Chihuahua play, which we’ll be doing in January 2013. And and and…

So why self-censoring? (more…)

Funny lady… sometimes, anyway!

Amores, remember that anthology that includes one of my essays? You know the one… pretty blue cover… pink train… lots of gay stuff….

Well… here’s a review of Windy City Queer that just happens to call my piece “hilarious.” Yay!

Coming soon… I’m a vegan, but I hate all-natural makeup! I’ll tell you why when I finish giving feedback on a dozen scripts. Uff.

Work With Me!

For the past few years, I’ve had the honour of working as the Lead Artist for the Poetry Performance Incubator at the Guild Complex. The Incubator brings poets together to create ensemble performance, merging my two great loves: poetry and theatre. Our last show, Tour Guides, was an off-center love letter to Chicago. It enjoyed three different productions (and rumour has it might be picked up for a 4th run by an independent producer. Details when they’re official!)

Snapped this on the sidewalk in Pilsen!

Now we’re gearing up to create a BRAND NEW SHOW called Unnatural Spaces, about urban toxicity and environmentalism in Chicago. I’m so excited about this piece, which will take up a much needed conversation about urban environmentalism, especially from the perspective of people in marginalized communities who are most affected by urban toxicity. If you know my work, you know already this won’t be a “preachy” piece – hell, with all the chemicals it takes to maintain my “natural red hair,” I’m almost as bad for the environment as any factory! My hope is that together, we’ll write a piece that is complicated, honest, and (of course) funny. Interested in participating? Here’s what you might want to know: (more…)